1 | The Loop is Uninhabitable
A personal revolt from the chaos train of the digital age
Say what you mean. And mean what you say. -Papa Max
This was a Calloway maxim. A good one, mind you. Clear. Concise. Simple. —in 1988.
Carried over and tweaked ever-so-slightly (to maximize the burn of striving served with a dollop of guilt & a side of shame), Charismatic Evangelicalism upped the ante. Rules. Vision. Integrity.
I’m weathered and rusty at the art of writing. While I once spent my days connecting to the world via email tag & blogging. Posts providing a long form release of tension and hope and joy and abundance. Somewhere along the way (I’d say around 2014) it gave way to quick text messages, Facebook updates and Instagram… dancing.
It felt twitchy. It pushed and pulled simultaneously for a nonsensical outcome: Do MORE & share LESS. It felt frenetic. It felt like a snake-oil prescription for connection:
“Post 3 times and call me in the morning.”
Gee, thanks Doc. I feel lousy.
I’ve come to call this gross chaos The Loop.
The incessant cycle of striving > achieving > sustaining > striving > failing > burnout >>> striving
I’ve come to hate the loop.
If nothing changes; nothing changes. Therefore, I accept The Loop or I revolt. I choose option 2. Now. Finally. It took a painfully long time to say it, meaning notwithstanding.
REVOLUTION: A FORCIBLE OVERTHROW OF A SOCIAL ORDER IN FAVOR OF A NEW SYSTEM.
Everything inside of me is screaming to just finish my new travel website. To throw open the socials & tell everyone that I’m still here doing this thing that made me happy — which made THEM happy…even if the way that I was doing it ultimately made me miserably UN-happy. But, The Loop whispers that if you do it better (but mostly the same) and faster (but mostly the same) and shinier (but mostly the same) that you will also be happier. But mostly the same, I’m sure.
Earlier this week, as I pulled into our newly erected small town Dollar General, I realized that I have believed an insidious lie. I have *Gospel-ized* a theoretical sort of digital Marxism. A dank cloud of pop tech coercion forever reminding me through its omnipresent shadow to keep up or shut up.
The lie said that in order to succeed (career, relationships, life) that I HAD to stay plugged in to the social machine. That it was incumbent upon ME to adapt to quick posts, reels, and making myself available to respond to each and every ping and ding and chime from my handheld computer. I, now little but a veritable Pavlonian pup.
It’s in-house arrest. It’s walking into a prison cell willingly— to escape the uncertainty of the simple presence of BEING. The terrifying unknown of how to be REALLY KNOWN in 2025.
I stopped trusting the wonder and magic of our connection to God and to one another through nature. I subconsciously operated under the programming that God only uses social media for our highest good. Without it, surely I am not enough. Surely there is no faith, no manifesting, and no vision without an accompanying social media campaign.
I’ve known since I tumbled hard and fast into the hole of burnout (another story for another day, I pinky promise) that I’m not cut out for The Loop sort of life anymore. Tragically, I also believed that my waning dedication to The Loop meant that I should make myself comfortable with financial failure and shame. If my resilience can’t withstand the digital hustle & grind, then maybe it’s not cut out for natural freedom & success. “Blasphemy!” retorts the best remaining parts of my evangelicalism.
or is it… REVOLUTION?
I said that I wanted peace. Freedom. To be untethered from distraction from my own life.
And it’s hard right now.
The Being.
All the dressed but swollen hives begging to be itched that come with living present.
The NOW vacuum wants sated with consumption. It wants fueled by striving and strategizing. It wants relief from the discomfort of deafeningly empty space. But allowing the quiet means pushing the walls that had been closing in back OUT to make space for creation. For the YOUIEST sort of YOU-NESS to show up & shine.
I’ve said it over and over for the past 6 years. But maybe I didn’t MEAN it until now. Maybe I couldn’t mean it in full until I understood the gravity of what I had said.
I want peace above all else. Quiet connection. Still empty space— a blank canvas to paint with wonder.
Now I mean what I said.
Thank you, Papa Max. Got it.
Love,
Snicklefritz